Mass
by Wool Adler
I bit my hand when my hip hit the table. More to distract myself than to be quiet. If Schrader didn’t hear it hit, she wouldn’t hear me. Even with her office down the hall. I walked it off on my way to the kitchen.
The seniors had breakfast duty on Thursdays. I don’t know if it was Cassidy or Viola, but one of them usually left breakfast for me in the oven when I overslept. Two slices of cold toast. It was soggy on the bottom, but that didn’t help. I didn’t bother with water. Schrader would hear the pipes. A shot of communion might have been worth it if she didn’t weigh the bottles.
The bell rang, and I threw the plate back in the oven. Nobody would use it for dinner, it didn’t even work. I ducked back out the kitchen window and came back in through the stairs. Schrader didn’t usually care, but I didn’t want to risk getting caught in the hall.
The second floor was already empty. Just some stragglers talking by the doors. I made my way down to Room 2. It smelled wet and earthy, a bad mix with the ten sugary body mists going on. Some of the girls filled buckets at the sinks, the rest sat with big fabric bags. Cassidy
unwrapped hers. I watched her peel the cloth off the red lump of clay inside. “How’s it coming along?”
She tore a piece of it off, and it cracked. “It still has to be kneaded. Right now, it’s too hard. ”
“Want some help?”
“Please, if you could just grab one of the bags that are draining that would be spectacular. The clay should stretch, not tear.”
I stood. There were a bunch of bags hung from half-assed hooks and clamps. I dragged one back over to where Cassidy was working, and opened it up. It had less clay than hers did, but it crumbled in my hands.
“Do you think we’ll have enough?”
“We’ll be at it all morning, but yes, we should. Someone said that we should’ve started earlier, but I didn’t want it to be done too early. I think she was right though.” She sat back, and wiped her forehead. “It’ll be hard work, but isn’t all of this?”
The clay stuck to my hands and slipped in a pool of water I made. By the time it looked like Cassidy’s did when she started, she was bringing her next one over.
“Hey, do you know what class Harrison is teaching today?”
Cassidy laughed. “Did you skip class again yesterday?”
“Tss, shit, I thought yesterday was Sophomores.”
One of the girls across the room laughed. “Is Viola in one of her moods? Thank god, I was hoping for a nap today. Doesn’t sound like there’s gonna be much teaching.”
My face grew hot. I wiped the clay off on a dirty towel, and wrung it out in the water bucket. On my way by I whipped the towel at her, and tossed it over my shoulder. I was already out the door when she started yelling at me.
The pipes thudded above me when I got to the bathroom. My jacket fell to the floor, and I splashed water up my arms and the back of my neck. Viola would’ve beaten the shit out of her if she wasn’t trying to stay out of trouble.
Someone was in the hall when I left the bathroom. She ran into me, and I got a look at her teary face before she disappeared into the stairwell. “Lexi-”
“Ms. Dominguez?”
I froze.
“Ms. Dominguez.” Schrader stood in her office door. She had her cane in one hand and a cigarette in the other. “Shouldn’t you be in class?”
“Yes Ma’am.”
She sneered, and took a pull from her cigarette. “Put your jacket on.”
Viola’s jacket was too big for me, but I prayed she wouldn’t notice as I shrugged it on.
“You’re dismissed.”
Cassidy was waiting for me outside of Room 2.
“I talked to Kaitlyn.” I grimaced. “She said that she would tone it down.” She squeezed my shoulder. “We’re all stressed right now. Don’t hold it against her, okay?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“Perfect. You should go, she’s in Room 1.”
I ran down the hall, tapped softly against the door, and opened it just as quietly. “Lexi?”
The rows of desks were empty, but kicked up dust swirled around the sunlight. “Hey, Lexi?”
“Becca?”
I rounded the teachers desk. She was curled under it. One eye peeked over her wet sleeve.
“Yeah, it’s me.”
She sobbed, and pulled me down into her arms.
“I don’t even know what I did! Principal Schrader didn’t tell me off for anything, she just screamed and, and she hit me! I don’t know what I’m doing wrong Becca, I don’t know.” She hiccuped into my shoulder. “It’s always me. I don’t know how much longer I can take it.”
“You made it to today, you just have to make it to tomorrow.”
“You always say that. How much longer am I going to have to scrape by?”
I buried my face in her hair. “Not much longer, Lexi. I promise.”
Her eyes were red and wet, her nose was running, but at least she stopped crying. She wiped her face with her sleeve, and I found some wadded up napkins in my jacket. She laughed, snotty and wet, but she laughed.
“God, her jacket’s way too big for you. You look stupid.”
“Yeah, got caught by Schrader in the hall.” I pulled my arms from it and let it hang over my shoulders.
“I’m sorry,”
“Not your fault, it was just bad timing.”
“Wait-oh, I just remembered. ” She sat up and reached into her shirt. “I nabbed something for you.”
It was a bent cigarette from her bra. I laughed, and took it from her. “Lexi,”
“They were just sitting on her desk!”
“You could’ve been caught.”
“She wasn’t even facing me!”
“Alright, fine, I’ll let you off the hook this time. Thank you.”
She smiled at me, small, but warm. The bell rang above us. We looked up as plaster rained down into our hair.
“You should go get something to eat.”
She dropped her head back down onto my shoulder. “Mmm, can we just sit here for a while?”
I smoothed my hand over her hair, and rested my cheek on her head. “Sure.”
Her neck was at a bad angle when she fell asleep, but she needed it. It was going to be a long night. I didn’t wait for the bell to wake her up.
“Hey, class soon.”
Lexi snorted awake, stretched, rubbed at her neck, groaned, “Mnnggg, okay, I’m up.” and slapped at her cheeks.
“Your hair’s kind of a nightmare right now.” I shrugged. “Just thought you should know.”
“Fix it for me?” I took out her hair tie, and combed it back. The section I took from the top was rough, kind of lopsided, but it was better.
We sat a little longer in silence, my fingers still combing through her hair, a small chunk braided and unbraided until the bell rang again. Lexi stood, stretched, and rolled her shoulders.
“Okay, you should actually go to class for once.”
I snorted, and dusted myself off when the bell was done. “I guess.” She helped me up, and I dusted her off too. “How are you feeling?”
“I dunno, scared? I think? I don’t think it’s hit me yet.”
“Yeah, I get it. I think we’re ready though.” I bent down to catch her eye. “Are you ready?”
She made a face, and looked away again. “Not really, but it’s now or never, right?”
I shook my head, and picked one last piece of plaster out of her hair. “It’s not.”
She passed me. “Come on, let’s get to class.”
We walked down the hall together in silence. Lexi was in room 3 and I was in 4, but she grabbed my hand outside the door.
“See you after class?”
I stayed quiet.
I sat down in the back, and put my head on my desk. Kaitlyn was up at the podium. A streak of red stained her blouse. She scowled when she noticed me. “Okay, let’s take out our bibles. I want you to find Ephesians 4:22,”
Lexi got her nap, It was my turn.
Someone pounded on the door. We stared at it in silence. My chair screeched against the floor, and the class turned to stare at me. I stuffed my hands in my pockets, “Bathroom.” and left.
I watched the stairwell door shut. Footsteps echoed in the stairwell. When I opened the door to the roof, I found Viola leaning against the rail. She was patting down her jacket, my jacket, for something. I came up next to her, and she patted me down too.
“I think I left my, yeah, found it.” She shoved her hand in my jacket, and pulled out a clear lighter. “I’ve only got three in this pack, so we’re gonna have to share.” The lipstick stained filter looked tempting, but I had my own.
“Nah, ” I held it between my teeth. “I could go for a light though.” Her hands by my face were warmer than the lighter.
“Where’d ya get that?” I exhaled, and she covered her nose. “Is that the principal’s? Shit, how did you get it and why would you smoke menthols?”
“Don’t want to steal yours. Besides, Lexi gave it to me.” She got huffy, and turned away from me. We smoked in silence for a bit. I stood downwind of her, and watched the clouds pass by.
Viola savored her last pull, “I need you to do something for me.” And tossed the stub of her cigarette over the rail. I hummed, and looked over at her.
“Keep watch for me again.”
I looked over at her, “Are you serious?”
“Yeah.”
“I thought you were done.”
“I was.”
“You said last time would be the last time.”
“This is different.”
“Jesus, Viola.”
“Oh my god! Then just don’t help me! I don’t care!”
“Ugh no,” I bounced my heel. “It’s fine, I’ll keep watch.” I threw the stub of my cigarette on the ground, and stalked over to the door.
Nobody paid attention when I made it back to class. Someone was reading in Latin, and the girl next to me leaned over and whispered. “We’re still on Ephesians, 4:23 right now.” I nodded, and dropped my head back onto the desk.
I walked down the hall with the crowd, but I hung around next to Harrison’s office. When the crowd cleared, Viola was standing next to me. Time crawled while we waited. She gave into the silence first. She huffed, checked her nails, tapped her heel, and chewed on an unlit cigarette.
The door down the hall unfortunately opened, and she stuffed it back in its box. I stared at the floor as he walked down the hall, and closed my eyes against his dingy loafers.
“Miss Dominguez. Viola.”
My skin crawled. I caught a look of his hand on her lower back before he locked the door behind them.
I wanted to cover my ears. The doors weren’t as thick as the walls. But I had to keep watch. Not when their talking quieted, or their gasping got louder.
He grunted. I looked down the hall, and the door stayed shut. A loud thud shook the wall. He shouted, and Viola grunted, and cried, and stopped. It was several minutes before the door next to me opened and closed.
“Last time?”
Viola reached for my hand. Hers was warm and sticky. “Yeah. Last time.”
I looked at her, and cupped her cheek with my free hand. I wiped a streak of blood off her cheek.
“How bad is it?”
“Well...” I looked her up and down. She was drenched. The dark skirt and jacket were salvageable. Her blouse though. The dirty off white was painted red. “Your eyeliner still looks good.”
She laughed, and took a look at herself. Something passed over her face, and she looked away. “Could you open the doors for me?” I wiped my free hand off on a clean patch of her skirt.
“Sure.”
I led her back up to the dorm, my hand held tight. Even in the shower her hand peeked out of the curtain. She only let go when she had to wash it. I stuck mine in as well to rinse it off. We stood on the roof again. “So, what are we gonna do about the mess?”
I chewed on my thumbnail. “Don’t worry about it. You did enough.”
She smoked another cigarette, then a second, and considered the third. It didn’t survive the soak her jacket got. She pitched the whole box over the rail.
“Wanna skip the rest of study hall?”
I looked over the lake below. “No, I think I’ll head down.”
“Isn’t it kind of early for that?”
I shrugged. “I’ve never been early before.”
I went through the old courtyard. Dead plants crunched under my feet. Weeds didn’t even grow there anymore. The fence was dark with rot. It broke under my weight when I hopped it. I dusted my hands off on the way down the hill. My shoes sank into the wet ground. I kicked up mud and rocks for a while.
The bell up the hill rang, and I watched the crowd trickle from the stairwell. Some of the girls hung back in the courtyard, but most of them came down the hill. A few helped me with the dirt. The ones that passed us came back with twigs and branches. Beth came down with a shovel and some trowels, and we began to properly carve. A group followed suit with armfuls of wood planks from the old shed. They were swarmed with helping hands in building the pyre. Viola and her chainsmoker friends were fucking with their lighters. They made flamethrowers out of dollar store Bics. They were tossed into the awaiting pile of bibles, paper, and dead bush. Phoebe lit a cigarette on the kindling. The girls from art and English brought down their clay, and dropped them near the pyre with a wet thud. We hung around the edges of the circle, and waited.
With the next bell came Lexi. We all watched as Cassidy led her down the hill, hand in hand, arm around waist. Cassidy was on her tiptoes to whisper in Lexi’s ear. My face grew hot. I looked away.
She was haloed by the bonfire, her brown skin glowed. We grew silent, and joined hands.
I wasn’t allowed to be up there, Cassidy said I was too close, but I ached to be with her when they started caking her in clay. It was a messy process. It matted her hair, stuck her dress to her legs, cracked as she breathed. Soon though, she began to come together. Clay was smoothed, seamed together, ridged with fingertips. They left her face for last, and I dropped Viola’s hand. Cassidy cast me a look,
but she allowed it. I cupped Lexi’s clay wet cheek.
“Hey.”
“Hi.” She choked up again.
“Hello.”
“How are you feeling?”
She laughed. “Um? Pretty wet? This is kind of gross, it’s warmer than I expected. I feel really room temperature.”
“It’ll be over soon, yeah?”
She sniffled, but smiled, strong and wide. “Yeah.”
I nodded, and kissed her. As I pulled away the last piece of clay was smoothed over her face. I ran back to the circle. Viola huffed and I squeezed her hand. We watched as they lifted Lexi, hidden under sheets of red clay, and tipped her back onto the pyre. They ran to join the circle as it popped and flared. Cassidy stayed with her, and led us in prayer.
“Deponere vos secundum pristinam conversationem veterem hominem qui corrumpitur
secundum desideria erroris,”
The fire hissed and spat. It rose in a great column of flame.
“renovamini autem spiritu mentis vestrae,”
The setting sun painted the lake and sky a streak of red broken by tall, black pine.
“et induite novum hominem qui secundum Deum creatus est in iustitia et sanctitate
veritatis.”
The bell tolled 7, and the stairwell door opened again.
“What in God’s name are you doing out here?!” She was screaming before she even made it down the hill. “How dare you! You’re risking so much more than your education with this-” Her cane cracked down on Jasmine’s wrist as she shoved past us. “Satanic nonsense!” She
marched up to the pyre, and screamed in Cassidy’s face. “I expected so much more from you Miss Monroe! What is the meaning of this!”
Cassidy stayed silent, and stared up at Schrader. “Well?!” We all did as she turned to us for answers. Answers she got when she turned back, cane raised, and saw the pyre.
“Is that a-” Her cane fell to the ground. She looked on at us, eyes wide, jaw dropped, a hand raised to her mouth. “What have you done?”
The clay cracked. It split open, and shattered as an arm shot out of the flames. It was smooth, unscarred and unbruised. It grabbed Schrader by the collar, and yanked her back. The clay fell away as Lexi dragged her back into the pire. She flipped over her, and pressed her down into the flames. The sour smell of burning hair and fabric coiled with the stink of meat, but the flames didn’t even graze Lexi. I could feel my cheeks start to hurt. She was so bright, so strong, and so beautiful.
The seniors had breakfast duty on Thursdays. I don’t know if it was Cassidy or Viola, but one of them usually left breakfast for me in the oven when I overslept. Two slices of cold toast. It was soggy on the bottom, but that didn’t help. I didn’t bother with water. Schrader would hear the pipes. A shot of communion might have been worth it if she didn’t weigh the bottles.
The bell rang, and I threw the plate back in the oven. Nobody would use it for dinner, it didn’t even work. I ducked back out the kitchen window and came back in through the stairs. Schrader didn’t usually care, but I didn’t want to risk getting caught in the hall.
The second floor was already empty. Just some stragglers talking by the doors. I made my way down to Room 2. It smelled wet and earthy, a bad mix with the ten sugary body mists going on. Some of the girls filled buckets at the sinks, the rest sat with big fabric bags. Cassidy
unwrapped hers. I watched her peel the cloth off the red lump of clay inside. “How’s it coming along?”
She tore a piece of it off, and it cracked. “It still has to be kneaded. Right now, it’s too hard. ”
“Want some help?”
“Please, if you could just grab one of the bags that are draining that would be spectacular. The clay should stretch, not tear.”
I stood. There were a bunch of bags hung from half-assed hooks and clamps. I dragged one back over to where Cassidy was working, and opened it up. It had less clay than hers did, but it crumbled in my hands.
“Do you think we’ll have enough?”
“We’ll be at it all morning, but yes, we should. Someone said that we should’ve started earlier, but I didn’t want it to be done too early. I think she was right though.” She sat back, and wiped her forehead. “It’ll be hard work, but isn’t all of this?”
The clay stuck to my hands and slipped in a pool of water I made. By the time it looked like Cassidy’s did when she started, she was bringing her next one over.
“Hey, do you know what class Harrison is teaching today?”
Cassidy laughed. “Did you skip class again yesterday?”
“Tss, shit, I thought yesterday was Sophomores.”
One of the girls across the room laughed. “Is Viola in one of her moods? Thank god, I was hoping for a nap today. Doesn’t sound like there’s gonna be much teaching.”
My face grew hot. I wiped the clay off on a dirty towel, and wrung it out in the water bucket. On my way by I whipped the towel at her, and tossed it over my shoulder. I was already out the door when she started yelling at me.
The pipes thudded above me when I got to the bathroom. My jacket fell to the floor, and I splashed water up my arms and the back of my neck. Viola would’ve beaten the shit out of her if she wasn’t trying to stay out of trouble.
Someone was in the hall when I left the bathroom. She ran into me, and I got a look at her teary face before she disappeared into the stairwell. “Lexi-”
“Ms. Dominguez?”
I froze.
“Ms. Dominguez.” Schrader stood in her office door. She had her cane in one hand and a cigarette in the other. “Shouldn’t you be in class?”
“Yes Ma’am.”
She sneered, and took a pull from her cigarette. “Put your jacket on.”
Viola’s jacket was too big for me, but I prayed she wouldn’t notice as I shrugged it on.
“You’re dismissed.”
Cassidy was waiting for me outside of Room 2.
“I talked to Kaitlyn.” I grimaced. “She said that she would tone it down.” She squeezed my shoulder. “We’re all stressed right now. Don’t hold it against her, okay?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“Perfect. You should go, she’s in Room 1.”
I ran down the hall, tapped softly against the door, and opened it just as quietly. “Lexi?”
The rows of desks were empty, but kicked up dust swirled around the sunlight. “Hey, Lexi?”
“Becca?”
I rounded the teachers desk. She was curled under it. One eye peeked over her wet sleeve.
“Yeah, it’s me.”
She sobbed, and pulled me down into her arms.
“I don’t even know what I did! Principal Schrader didn’t tell me off for anything, she just screamed and, and she hit me! I don’t know what I’m doing wrong Becca, I don’t know.” She hiccuped into my shoulder. “It’s always me. I don’t know how much longer I can take it.”
“You made it to today, you just have to make it to tomorrow.”
“You always say that. How much longer am I going to have to scrape by?”
I buried my face in her hair. “Not much longer, Lexi. I promise.”
Her eyes were red and wet, her nose was running, but at least she stopped crying. She wiped her face with her sleeve, and I found some wadded up napkins in my jacket. She laughed, snotty and wet, but she laughed.
“God, her jacket’s way too big for you. You look stupid.”
“Yeah, got caught by Schrader in the hall.” I pulled my arms from it and let it hang over my shoulders.
“I’m sorry,”
“Not your fault, it was just bad timing.”
“Wait-oh, I just remembered. ” She sat up and reached into her shirt. “I nabbed something for you.”
It was a bent cigarette from her bra. I laughed, and took it from her. “Lexi,”
“They were just sitting on her desk!”
“You could’ve been caught.”
“She wasn’t even facing me!”
“Alright, fine, I’ll let you off the hook this time. Thank you.”
She smiled at me, small, but warm. The bell rang above us. We looked up as plaster rained down into our hair.
“You should go get something to eat.”
She dropped her head back down onto my shoulder. “Mmm, can we just sit here for a while?”
I smoothed my hand over her hair, and rested my cheek on her head. “Sure.”
Her neck was at a bad angle when she fell asleep, but she needed it. It was going to be a long night. I didn’t wait for the bell to wake her up.
“Hey, class soon.”
Lexi snorted awake, stretched, rubbed at her neck, groaned, “Mnnggg, okay, I’m up.” and slapped at her cheeks.
“Your hair’s kind of a nightmare right now.” I shrugged. “Just thought you should know.”
“Fix it for me?” I took out her hair tie, and combed it back. The section I took from the top was rough, kind of lopsided, but it was better.
We sat a little longer in silence, my fingers still combing through her hair, a small chunk braided and unbraided until the bell rang again. Lexi stood, stretched, and rolled her shoulders.
“Okay, you should actually go to class for once.”
I snorted, and dusted myself off when the bell was done. “I guess.” She helped me up, and I dusted her off too. “How are you feeling?”
“I dunno, scared? I think? I don’t think it’s hit me yet.”
“Yeah, I get it. I think we’re ready though.” I bent down to catch her eye. “Are you ready?”
She made a face, and looked away again. “Not really, but it’s now or never, right?”
I shook my head, and picked one last piece of plaster out of her hair. “It’s not.”
She passed me. “Come on, let’s get to class.”
We walked down the hall together in silence. Lexi was in room 3 and I was in 4, but she grabbed my hand outside the door.
“See you after class?”
I stayed quiet.
I sat down in the back, and put my head on my desk. Kaitlyn was up at the podium. A streak of red stained her blouse. She scowled when she noticed me. “Okay, let’s take out our bibles. I want you to find Ephesians 4:22,”
Lexi got her nap, It was my turn.
Someone pounded on the door. We stared at it in silence. My chair screeched against the floor, and the class turned to stare at me. I stuffed my hands in my pockets, “Bathroom.” and left.
I watched the stairwell door shut. Footsteps echoed in the stairwell. When I opened the door to the roof, I found Viola leaning against the rail. She was patting down her jacket, my jacket, for something. I came up next to her, and she patted me down too.
“I think I left my, yeah, found it.” She shoved her hand in my jacket, and pulled out a clear lighter. “I’ve only got three in this pack, so we’re gonna have to share.” The lipstick stained filter looked tempting, but I had my own.
“Nah, ” I held it between my teeth. “I could go for a light though.” Her hands by my face were warmer than the lighter.
“Where’d ya get that?” I exhaled, and she covered her nose. “Is that the principal’s? Shit, how did you get it and why would you smoke menthols?”
“Don’t want to steal yours. Besides, Lexi gave it to me.” She got huffy, and turned away from me. We smoked in silence for a bit. I stood downwind of her, and watched the clouds pass by.
Viola savored her last pull, “I need you to do something for me.” And tossed the stub of her cigarette over the rail. I hummed, and looked over at her.
“Keep watch for me again.”
I looked over at her, “Are you serious?”
“Yeah.”
“I thought you were done.”
“I was.”
“You said last time would be the last time.”
“This is different.”
“Jesus, Viola.”
“Oh my god! Then just don’t help me! I don’t care!”
“Ugh no,” I bounced my heel. “It’s fine, I’ll keep watch.” I threw the stub of my cigarette on the ground, and stalked over to the door.
Nobody paid attention when I made it back to class. Someone was reading in Latin, and the girl next to me leaned over and whispered. “We’re still on Ephesians, 4:23 right now.” I nodded, and dropped my head back onto the desk.
I walked down the hall with the crowd, but I hung around next to Harrison’s office. When the crowd cleared, Viola was standing next to me. Time crawled while we waited. She gave into the silence first. She huffed, checked her nails, tapped her heel, and chewed on an unlit cigarette.
The door down the hall unfortunately opened, and she stuffed it back in its box. I stared at the floor as he walked down the hall, and closed my eyes against his dingy loafers.
“Miss Dominguez. Viola.”
My skin crawled. I caught a look of his hand on her lower back before he locked the door behind them.
I wanted to cover my ears. The doors weren’t as thick as the walls. But I had to keep watch. Not when their talking quieted, or their gasping got louder.
He grunted. I looked down the hall, and the door stayed shut. A loud thud shook the wall. He shouted, and Viola grunted, and cried, and stopped. It was several minutes before the door next to me opened and closed.
“Last time?”
Viola reached for my hand. Hers was warm and sticky. “Yeah. Last time.”
I looked at her, and cupped her cheek with my free hand. I wiped a streak of blood off her cheek.
“How bad is it?”
“Well...” I looked her up and down. She was drenched. The dark skirt and jacket were salvageable. Her blouse though. The dirty off white was painted red. “Your eyeliner still looks good.”
She laughed, and took a look at herself. Something passed over her face, and she looked away. “Could you open the doors for me?” I wiped my free hand off on a clean patch of her skirt.
“Sure.”
I led her back up to the dorm, my hand held tight. Even in the shower her hand peeked out of the curtain. She only let go when she had to wash it. I stuck mine in as well to rinse it off. We stood on the roof again. “So, what are we gonna do about the mess?”
I chewed on my thumbnail. “Don’t worry about it. You did enough.”
She smoked another cigarette, then a second, and considered the third. It didn’t survive the soak her jacket got. She pitched the whole box over the rail.
“Wanna skip the rest of study hall?”
I looked over the lake below. “No, I think I’ll head down.”
“Isn’t it kind of early for that?”
I shrugged. “I’ve never been early before.”
I went through the old courtyard. Dead plants crunched under my feet. Weeds didn’t even grow there anymore. The fence was dark with rot. It broke under my weight when I hopped it. I dusted my hands off on the way down the hill. My shoes sank into the wet ground. I kicked up mud and rocks for a while.
The bell up the hill rang, and I watched the crowd trickle from the stairwell. Some of the girls hung back in the courtyard, but most of them came down the hill. A few helped me with the dirt. The ones that passed us came back with twigs and branches. Beth came down with a shovel and some trowels, and we began to properly carve. A group followed suit with armfuls of wood planks from the old shed. They were swarmed with helping hands in building the pyre. Viola and her chainsmoker friends were fucking with their lighters. They made flamethrowers out of dollar store Bics. They were tossed into the awaiting pile of bibles, paper, and dead bush. Phoebe lit a cigarette on the kindling. The girls from art and English brought down their clay, and dropped them near the pyre with a wet thud. We hung around the edges of the circle, and waited.
With the next bell came Lexi. We all watched as Cassidy led her down the hill, hand in hand, arm around waist. Cassidy was on her tiptoes to whisper in Lexi’s ear. My face grew hot. I looked away.
She was haloed by the bonfire, her brown skin glowed. We grew silent, and joined hands.
I wasn’t allowed to be up there, Cassidy said I was too close, but I ached to be with her when they started caking her in clay. It was a messy process. It matted her hair, stuck her dress to her legs, cracked as she breathed. Soon though, she began to come together. Clay was smoothed, seamed together, ridged with fingertips. They left her face for last, and I dropped Viola’s hand. Cassidy cast me a look,
but she allowed it. I cupped Lexi’s clay wet cheek.
“Hey.”
“Hi.” She choked up again.
“Hello.”
“How are you feeling?”
She laughed. “Um? Pretty wet? This is kind of gross, it’s warmer than I expected. I feel really room temperature.”
“It’ll be over soon, yeah?”
She sniffled, but smiled, strong and wide. “Yeah.”
I nodded, and kissed her. As I pulled away the last piece of clay was smoothed over her face. I ran back to the circle. Viola huffed and I squeezed her hand. We watched as they lifted Lexi, hidden under sheets of red clay, and tipped her back onto the pyre. They ran to join the circle as it popped and flared. Cassidy stayed with her, and led us in prayer.
“Deponere vos secundum pristinam conversationem veterem hominem qui corrumpitur
secundum desideria erroris,”
The fire hissed and spat. It rose in a great column of flame.
“renovamini autem spiritu mentis vestrae,”
The setting sun painted the lake and sky a streak of red broken by tall, black pine.
“et induite novum hominem qui secundum Deum creatus est in iustitia et sanctitate
veritatis.”
The bell tolled 7, and the stairwell door opened again.
“What in God’s name are you doing out here?!” She was screaming before she even made it down the hill. “How dare you! You’re risking so much more than your education with this-” Her cane cracked down on Jasmine’s wrist as she shoved past us. “Satanic nonsense!” She
marched up to the pyre, and screamed in Cassidy’s face. “I expected so much more from you Miss Monroe! What is the meaning of this!”
Cassidy stayed silent, and stared up at Schrader. “Well?!” We all did as she turned to us for answers. Answers she got when she turned back, cane raised, and saw the pyre.
“Is that a-” Her cane fell to the ground. She looked on at us, eyes wide, jaw dropped, a hand raised to her mouth. “What have you done?”
The clay cracked. It split open, and shattered as an arm shot out of the flames. It was smooth, unscarred and unbruised. It grabbed Schrader by the collar, and yanked her back. The clay fell away as Lexi dragged her back into the pire. She flipped over her, and pressed her down into the flames. The sour smell of burning hair and fabric coiled with the stink of meat, but the flames didn’t even graze Lexi. I could feel my cheeks start to hurt. She was so bright, so strong, and so beautiful.
